Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Shark Night 3D (2011)

Synopsis: A weekend at a lake house in the Louisiana Gulf turns into a nightmare for seven vacationers as they are subjected to shark attacks.

Oh yeah, Shark Night! on 2D DVD from a 3D Theatrical Run! This is going to be amazingly bad. And it’s got the guy from Avatar and Grandma’s Boy. I can’t possibly go wrong! *flips cover over* PG-13!?


So this movie is one colossal failure after another. Whoever wrote this movie desperately needs to get the SyFy channel. All of the mistakes could have easily been solved with anything other then what happened here. Do they honestly think we’ve never seen a movie with teens vs a shark stranded in the middle of nowhere? Hey, I’m all about the sexy teens but when you take away the TWO THINGS (HARDCORE NUDITY AND COPIOUS AMOUNT OF BLOODY GORE) that makes movies like this worth watching, then you are left with nothing but failure.

And did the guy that got fired for doing the effects for Shark Attack 2 get hired for this? I don’t know but it sure looks like someone that does bad practical effects suddenly started doing CGI effects. What is going on here?

There was only one reason I wanted to watch this movie. (aside from sharks) Joel David Moore. I like him. I don’t know why, he hasn’t really been worth anything in the last couple years but I still like him. I’m sure he hit gravy train with Avatar and just decided that it doesn’t matter anymore. And I don’t blame him. Anyway, he’s here. That’s about it. His line delivery is awful, his lines in general are recycled teenage garbage that really isn’t relevant to anyone. (Which goes for the rest of the cast as well.)

And the twist (SPOILER ALERT) is that hillbillies are putting cameras on sharks and using them to create shark snuff films to sell on the internet.

Wha, wha, wwwhaaat? That's your ending?

But this does have a couple (and we’re talking 10 seconds tops) of greatness going for it. And it’s the shark related deaths. One with the shark leaping out of the water and eating the guy on the jetski and the other with…I don’t remember....but I remember there was a second one.

Avoid this movie at all costs. I was warned, I took the Jaws approach and heeded no warnings. Now I’m missing an arm. Thanks Shark Night.


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